Being Grateful and Making it Work

I'm one of those people who is always trying to find ways to make things better.  I like to streamline processes, organize things, make lists, and improve on things.  Some people see this way of being as my being unsatisfied with what I have, as if it wasn't good enough.  And if I'm being totally honest, sometimes that is what it is.

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the thinking that what you have ISN'T good enough and that you have to have more, bigger, better, newer.  It happens to me every once in a while and it's exhausting and stressful and I hate it.

My husband and I live in a smaller 3 bedroom house, with my 12 year old son from my first marriage and our 2 1/2 year old boy.  #3 is on it's way and we started thinking that we really were facing the time when we should sell and upgrade.  Our house isn't laid our very well and it's quite cramped at times, but it has an amazingly big back yard and awesomely huge patio.   It seems like we start to get major cabin fever every year as winter nears it's end and we can hardly stand the crampiness of our house.  This year we made up our mind to do a few reno's and list.

I really want is a laundry room and a rumpus room for the kids.  Not much to ask right?  So we start painting, fixing, patching and rushing to get our house ready to put on the market before the big spring rush of listings. 

Then it gets nice out.  I started having second thoughts about leaving.  My yard is so awesome and things are starting to grow!  Then my husband speaks up and says he doesn't want to sell either.  We start to really do the math and weigh it out.

We only pay about $1,100/m on our place, including property taxes and city services.   We have a very nice manageable mortgage on the house, one that we could realistically pay off in 15 years.  To buy, we'd be looking at spending a minimum of $150,000 more to get what we 'need'.  That pretty much doubles our monthly housing costs, and the time until we're mortgage free.  Ouch.

We both talked about how our families were raised in small houses, with kids sharing bedrooms, and how our parents turned out ok.  We talk about how we have such a great yard and how we've managed with this place for almost 10 years. 

We decided that what we have is enough and that we were grateful for that and how  we can manage it fine and fix it up as we can afford in the years to come.  We talk about how, if we REALLY wanted to, for less than $100,000 we could add a kitchen, 4th bedroom, rec room, AND laundry room.  And keep our kick ass yard.

Feels good to feel grateful, and it feels even better to have that big weight lifted off our shoulders of how we were going to fit a huge mortgage payment into our budget and all the stress that goes along with selling & buying.

Sometimes smaller and simpler is better, even if you have to move over to let the other person pass in the hallway.

Have a great day,
Tara

Judgement

Yes I'm still here ... if anyone out there noticed I was gone.  Been a bit busy dealing with reno's, kids with the scoots, and feeling like barfing myself 24/7.

I heard a saying the other day that has totally gotten stuck in my brain.

"We judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions." 

Whoa, right?  Do you not TOTALLY do this?  How many times have you said, during/after a fight "Well I didn't mean to hurt you."  But you did hurt them.  With your actions.  Or switch it around - somebody hurt you, and you probably assume it was all part of some diabolical, totally pre-meditated plan to wound you.  Not that maybe they didn't mean to, or intend to.

So naturally I tried to think of how this could relate to money, and being smarter with it.  We might have the best of intentions with our money, but either life, ignorance, lack of self discipline, etc. interfere and we don't stick to our intended course.  Then we go to apply for a mortgage, loan, credit card and can't get it because our 'actions' affected our credit rating negatively, so we're judged by those actions and our dream of owning a new house/car/etc. have to get put on hold for a bit longer.

I guess you can apply this to any situation in life, and it makes you (or me) stop and think about everything lately.  I'm not so quick to get mad at people that do something that offends me, because in all likelihood it wasn't their intention. 

And I find myself slowing down and thinking twice about how my actions might be perceived by others, despite what I think they're meant to look like or what my intentions are.  I try to "start as I mean to go on" (another quote I love) and act in a way that would bring good judgement towards me.  (did that even make sense?)

Anyways, I'm going to try and judge others less by their actions and try to show a little more compassion and try to imagine what their intentions are.  And if I'm not sure, maybe I'll just ask.

Happy Tuesday.

Kids, Money, & Toads

I think the thing that will cause me more stress and worry than just about anything, is whether or not I'm raising good kids.  Or rather, whether I'm raising good adults.  I'm sure most parents out there can relate to that worry.

I constantly question if I'm doing the right thing by my boys.  Am I tough enough on them?  Am I too tough on them?  Am I doing enough for them?  Am I doing TOO much for them?

So many questions.

Fortunately, I'm blessed to have really good boys. I mean we still have our challenging days, but when I compare my home to some of the problems that I know other parents are facing I know we're doing alright. 

I want to raise boys that respect themselves, respect others, respect women, and who are capable, functioning adults who don't need a girlfriend to take care of them.  My oldest cleans, is learning to cook, can do his own laundry, and has regular chores to contribute to the house.  So far so good.  When he whines about it, I just tell him that chicks dig guys who cook & clean.  That seems to be enough for now.

I also want to raise my boys to be financially responsible.  I was taught little to nothing about how to manage my money as a kid.  I had a piggy bank and savings account, but I was never taught actual lessons about it.  Money was something my step-dad refused to discuss with, or around me.  He felt it was none of my business to know how our household ran, how much things cost, or why it was important to save.  He just though grounding me for asking my mom to buy me new shoes was a lesson in itself.  He was (and still is) a real asshole.  

That's why I prefer to think back and draw on the first 11 years of my life (before Mom married the Toad) when it was just the 2 of us, for my financial example.  She worked 2, sometimes 3 jobs, to support us.  We never lived in fancy places, but she did things on her own to make places homey.  She baked her own bread, sewed my clothes, and learned how to do most things herself so she didn't have to pay anyone unless absolutely necessary.  The woman was MacGuyver.  She could change a tire, the oil in the car, fix a leaky roof, wire a lightswitch, and bake a kick ass German Chocolate Cake ... in an afternoon.  Seriously, I kid you not.

But back to my kids, I found a really great article from Psychology Today that talks about raising kids that are fiscally responsible, instead of spoiled assholes.  You can read it for yourself here and tell me what you think.

What kinds of things are you doing to teach your kids about financial responsibility?  I'm enjoying learning right along with my boy.  He gets an allowance, and has to save some, etc. etc.  I picked up some great tips from Gail Vaz-Oxlade's blog about Money Smart Kids.  We're tweaking things as we go, finding what works.  He's definitely learning that money does not grow on trees.  "But mom ... wouldn't that be so so cool if it did?!"

Yes dear ... I'm still hoping I find a money tree one day.  But for now I'll continue to budget a teeny bit for lottery tickets.  *wink wink*

Have a great Monday!

Popcorn and The Golden Girls ...

My life's pretty busy, and I'll be the first to admit that quite often it's because I take on more than I should.  My Grandpa nicknamed me "hummingbird" because I never stop moving, and it's true - I don't.  Or not very often anyways, but I am working on it.

I had a little "hey shut up and pay attention" moment yesterday when my 11 year old came home from a sleepover.  He spends half his time with me, and half with his dad (we've been separated for 6 years) and so when things get busy we don't often get to spend 1-on-1 time together.  It just so happened that his baby brother was to go to Nana's for a play date with their little cousins, and I was heading to the grocery store. 

I was a little bit taken aback when he sounded so excited to come with me, and didn't want to just stay home to catch up on COD playtime.  I was even a teeny bit suspicious, wondering what his 11 year old angle might be, but when he said "I just wanna hang out with you" I quickly put that thought away and just went with it. (bad Mommy)

So we dropped the short "noise covered with dirt" off at Nana's and proceeded to the grocery store.  He Heeley'd the cart around as I shopped, and I only had to yell at him once for ripping past the meat section doing about 45 km/h.  When we got home he helped me unload the groceries, went and finished up his chores while I got dinner started, and as soon as the chili was ready to sit and simmer for a while, he had the popcorn maker out and we proceeded to make a double batch of hot air popcorn.

He loves my popcorn because I put about a half a cup of melted butter on it.  "I love that you love butter Mom ..."  (my son is very affectionate and vocal, I got about 8 "I love you's" and at least 4 "you're the best mom EVER's " out of him that day)

Best part of the whole day?  We plop down on the couch to chill out before I go pick up his little brother, and he asks if we can watch Golden Girls.  "Man I love that show, those ladies are so funny."  Seriously!  So we found 2 back-to-back episodes on DejaView and ate a giant butter coated bowl of popcorn and laughed for an hour until I had to go.  He thanked me ... THANKED me for hanging out.  Ouch.

It was a perfect and awesome way to end a busy afternoon, and it just reminded me that sometimes I just need to stop and chill and just BE with my kids.  It's OK if the laundry sits in the machine for an hour or two, or if the vacuuming doesn't get done right away.  Some things are more important ... WAY more important.

Besides, even hummingbirds must rest sometimes .... right?

Happy Sunday.

Pantry Purge ... A Success!

So a few weeks back I decided it was time to go through the meat in my freezer before it was burnt, and the dry stuff in my pantry.  I committed to only shopping for dairy and produce for as long as I could, but wanted to make it at least a week.

Well I made it through more than 2 weeks!  And we didn't even die.  My oldest was a bit perturbed that we didn't have more snacks in the house, but he got over it when he rediscovered homemade milkshakes (milk, sugar, frozen fruit), and popcorn made with the hot air popper.

Meal planning played a big part, but before I could do that I had to know what I had so I took a bit of an inventory.  Here's what got me through 2.5 weeks:

• 1 frozen chicken
• 6 lbs ground beef
• quinoa
• rice
• frozen mixed veggies
• frozen berries
• frozen leftover soup
• broth
• canned goods (beans, soups, olives)
• potatoes & onions

That's pretty much it!  It was fun getting creative.  We put some spins on old classics like Shepherd's Pie, and made a roasted chicken stretch from one dinner into over 3 days of meals like sandwiches, quesadillas and salads.  I always marvelled at my mother's ability to make a wicked meal out of 3 things that were just kicking around the house, so it felt good to know I'm learning to do the same.

All in all, I figure I saved over $300 dollars over the 2.5 weeks as I only bought dairy and fresh produce instead of the usual $100-$150/week I would have spent on food.  I think I'll try doing it again, maybe on a smaller scale - like a week every once in a while, just 'cause.

What kind of creative creations have you thrown together when a trip to grocery store just wasn't happening?   I'd love to hear how you make your grocery dollars stretch!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I don't really know the origin of Valentine's Day ... I'm sure it's something awful and pagan, but I do know what it means to me.

Valentines Day means I get to eat chocolate with evaporating calories, and drink wine with my fellow camp-widow friend why we have our first "Lonely Hearts" dinner with the kids and talk about the to-do lists we're compiling for our husbands when they return from working out of town. 

Good times!  Enjoy your day people.  Say Good Morning to a stranger, just because, and practice a random act of kindness.

And try not to blow a wad on roses that were 1/4 the price yesterday and will be again tomorrow.

Love ya,
T

Well Isn't That Clever...

I'm always looking for ways to do things better, I'm kind of an efficiency dork.  I love it when somebody says "what about this way" and it's better!  So I thought I'd share some of the things I've picked up lately:

1. Making Mashed Potatoes quicker (without buying those nasty bagged ones) :  Boil a kettle while you're chopping the potatoes, and fill the pot of potatoes with the boiling water and you will shave 10 minutes off your mashed potato time.  That's a lot for a busy mom that still wants to make 'from scratch' dinners for her family!  Credit: Jamie Oliver
2. Parchment paper: I use that shit for EVERYTHING.  I never have to wash a cookie sheet, whether I've roasted potatoes, veggies, cooked bacon - it's awesome. Credit: Aunty Cathy  
3. Speaking of bacon-line a cookie sheet with parchment, throw your strips on, and put your oven on 400.  Voila! Bacon in 10 minutes.  Let the parchment cool, and crunch it up and throw it in the compost/trash/whatever you do with your food scraps.  Wicked fast, perfect bacon strips with no mess.  Credit:  Marc & Andrea
4. Got pets?  Invest in a rubber broom.  FlyLady has one here that is super awesome.  It doesn't make the hair fly around, but gathers it all up into a nice pile so you can just suck it up quick with a vacuum.  I love my dogs, but I hate hate hate all the hair.  This helps keep the floors decent without having to lug the big rig Dyson out twice a day.  Credit: Well duh, FlyLady!
5. Getting an overwhelming housework/organizing job started:  If you're anything like me, every once in a while the house gets away from you and you just don't know where to start, so you don't.  I get a teensy bit overcome with anxiety when I feel overwhelmed by my house, but once again - FlyLady to the rescue.  Her lists and tricks and common-sense approach to tackling big messes little bits at a time really help take the anxiety of of a very messy house.  Even if your house isn't that messy, there's still lots of useful stuff on her site.  I'm a fan, in case you didn't know.

Aren't those clever ideas?  Wish I could take credit for them, but the people I know who read this blog know that they gave me the ideas and that would probably piss them off and make me look like an ass, so I will give credit where credit is due.

Sweet dreams,
Tara :-)